Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Distance really does make the heart grow fonder. Scott & I have been together for 4 years this October and 2.5 of those years was pretty much spent long-distance. He was in KY (or Iraq) and I was here in SC. So every chance we got he'd drive down for a weekend or I'd drive up for a long break I had from school. We cherished every chance we had together. For over a year now we've been fortunate enough to live under the same roof. I still love my husband and miss him when I'm at work, but you never know how much you care for someone until they're gone. Scott left Aug 5th to spend the rest of the month in California for his reserve training. I knew the first few days would be hard, and they were. I wasn't used to being without him. If this had happened 2 years ago, I would've shrugged my shoulders so-to-speak & thought "ok, what else is new?" All the small things that used to annoy me, I miss those. I miss having him around. I miss sharing my day with him. I miss laying next to him on the couch watching Grey's Anatomy. I am so thankful for this time apart because it reminded me that I do still love him and my heart aches when he's gone. It reminded me that I'm still able to miss him. I know that probably sounds crazy. lol. While he's been gone I've gotten a new perspective on our marriage & its purpose and we've had conversations that let me know things are looking up. I cannot wait for him to get home and I can share with him what I've learned and hope we can start this new journey together.

BTW, did I mention he comes home early TOMORROW?!!!! :D

Marriage - Eph 5:22-33

Our pastor gave a sermon on the purpose of marriage this morning. There have been several times our pastor would preach on a topic that was a recent topic/problem in my life, but something about this one hit a lot harder. It made me think about my marriage and the relationship I have with my husband and it almost had me in tears. I'm not a preacher nor am I great with words, so bear with me and I'm sorry if none of this makes sense. The passage was one I'd heard before about how the wife should submit to her husband like she would to the Lord and that the husband is supposed to love the wife like Christ loves the church. In fact, this passage was read on my wedding day. I didn't think much of it but thanks to Pastor Eddie and the way he explained it, it made the passage much clearer and helped me understand why I feel the way I do in my marriage and why certain problems keep coming up.

He started off by asking why do we get married. Most people believe you get married because you're in love. That's what the movies teach us, right? The purpose is actually because we can glorify God better together than we can apart. God created marriage to be a unity, a oneness. A man and woman coming together to glorify Him. Marriage is also meant to be an image of safety. Your husband/wife is the one person who knows everything about you. The good, the bad, your successes, your vulnerabilities. The passage talks about the wife's role first. Our role is to submit to and respect our husbands. By submit, I don't mean be a slave and obey his every word. It's hard to submit if your husband isn't doing his Godly role, but I'll get to that later. As wives we were created to be man's helper. The pastor mentioned that any woman before she gets married needs to think about the priorities of the guy she's marrying because that's the kind of life she'll be submitting to. If the man's priority and focus is money, then your marriage will be about money. If his focus is on lust, then that's what your marriage will be about. Marriage was created to be centered around God and relationships that aren't are the main reason why the divorce rate is so high. So many people getting married because "they're in love" rather than glorifying God like it was intended. Marriage gets tough and once the "love" wears off, what's left to make you fight for your marriage if it's not God? A man and woman cannot be united as one if divorce is an option. When you say your vows, you're promising to be there when things get tough. But it's the tough times when your marriage is tested that couples either choose to fight or give up. I'm not saying my marriage is God-centered because I know a majority of the time it's not. When I got married I thought that's what you did when you were in love and I knew your marriage should glorify God, but I didn't know that was the PURPOSE of marriage. We've gotten into fights where I seriously wanted to give up and leave....several times. So this is something we definitely need to work on.

One thing that hit me hard was the pastor gave an example of something his wife told him years ago. She had come home from work and had had a bad day and he asked her what he could do to make her happy. She responded with, "It's not your job to make me happy." Because it's God's. We can only find true happiness through God. And it hit me SO hard because I'm constantly getting upset and feeling hurt because I feel my husband isn't making me happy. And we've gotten into several arguments about it and as a man he feels like he needs to fix everything. So he feels it's his job to make me happy and for so long I thought it was his responsibility. I think that's one of the reasons I feel so unhappy in our marriage sometimes, because I feel like he's not making me happy when it's not even his job to begin with. I should be looking to God for happiness.

Another thing he said was to ask ourselves "where am I failing my husband". Am I failing him through love, through prayer, through serving? That's the question that got me thinking and almost had me in tears. I love my husband but things have been really hard for me the past year or so. When I think about our marriage, I think about how great he is and how great he treats me. I feel like I treat him horribly yet he still loves me unconditionally. I can be dressed in rags and in major need of a shower and he'll still tell me I'm beautiful. He doesn't hit me, he doesn't raise his voice at me. To me, he's a great example of what God wants a husband to be, but I feel like I've failed him. I don't show him how much I love him and I know there are several times where I certainly don't act like it. There have been arguments where I've said mean, hurtful things and I've upset him. I know for a fact that I don't respect him the way I should. I have failed my husband. So maybe I'm the reason I have so many problems with our relationship.

The passage then talks about man's role. The man's responsibility is to love his wife. His loyalty and his focus should be on God and his wife. Several marriages fall apart because the husband isn't doing what it takes to make their wife feel loved. It is the husband's responsibility to look at his wife and determine what he should do to make her feel loved. If husbands do this, then it makes it much easier for the wife to submit and follow. The husband should be the leader always. Jesus loved us first so he died on the cross for us, so since it's the husband's responsibility to love, he is to love us first and give in first during arguments/fights. Jesus was the example. That was one thing hard for me to take because I'm more the leader in our marriage. My husband is laid back and doesn't really step up, so I feel like I need to otherwise things wouldn't get done. I've thought about this leadership topic before and thought that maybe he doesn't step up because I don't give him the chance to. But I don't have the patience to wait and see when or if he'll step up and I feel like some things are important and need to be done ASAP. So that's another issue we have.

I know a lot of this may sound jumbled up and not put together well, but you were warned. lol. This blog wasn't meant to offend anyone and I'm sorry if it did. The first time I heard this passage I took it to mean I needed to submit to my husband like a slave and obey his every command. And with husbands being the leader, I almost took it as a sexist thing. Like men are better so they should be the leaders and wives should be submissive because we aren't equal. I'm sure a lot of you are thinking the same thing as you read this. Thanks to Pastor Eddie's explanation I feel like my marriage is on the road to being amazing. It's not about equality or sexism. It's about a man and woman coming together as one to glorify God and that can only happen if wives respect their husbands and husbands love their wives.

Shark Teeth

The hubby and I took a 4-day vacation to Myrtle Beach the other weekend. He'd never been so I was excited to show him around and introduce him to new things. When I go to the beach I have a tradition of walking the beach every morning looking for shark's teeth. Scott found his first shark tooth our first morning out and was so excited. He learned quickly how to determine a tooth from a black shell. These are the teeth and shells we found our first morning out:



The teeth & shells we found the 2nd morning:


The reason why I'm posting these pics is a moral I learned from hunting for shark's teeth. The first day we were hunting for the teeth and looking so close at almost everything black in the shape of a tooth in the sand. lol. The 2nd day, we were just walking the beach not looking for anything. That 2nd day when we weren't looking is when we found the bigger, more perfect shark's teeth. Our first morning out all I seemed to find were small, broken ones that weren't in the best condition. I found several long ones that morning once I stopped looking, if that makes sense. The small, broken ones were ones I had dug out of the sand while I was focused; the longer ones were literally just laying there, no digging required. I don't know if you can tell a difference between the teeth on Day 1 or 2, but I can. It kinda taught me a lesson. Not sure exactly what it was. I kinda feel like this experience was telling me to relax more and not be so determined and focused, otherwise I'd miss some of the best things in life. Once I became carefree and just enjoyed the time with my husband did I find some of the best teeth of our trip. I'm not great with words and maybe some of you think I'm analyzing it way too much, that they're just teeth, but a simple experience of finding shark's teeth was like a life lesson for me. I'm not a very easy-going person and I like to have a plan for almost everything because I don't like being in stressful situations where I don't know what's going on. My husband on the other hand, he is very calm and laid back. That's one trait I hope to learn from him. :)

So proud

Living in SC, you're either a Clemson fan or a Gamecock fan. Well I'm a Gamecock fan. :) Right now baseball season is winding down and the Gamecocks made it into the College World Series again this year! They've played some great games over the past week that keep you on the edge of your seat. After winning last night's game, they are officially the National Champions of the College World Series AGAIN!!! We were National Champions last year as well. I'm so proud of my Gamecocks!

http://gamecocksonline.cstv.com/sports/m-basebl/recaps/062811aae.html

FINALLY!!

As of 3:00 EST yesterday afternoon, we are officially first-time homeowners!!! WE HAVE A HOUSE!!!! I can't believe it! It hasn't sunk in yet that we live in a house now and not renting another apartment. With the help of most of my family, we moved the majority of our apartment into the house. Hopefully we can move the rest today. We were able to stay in the house last night and today's task is to get the water & electricity in our names and hopefully cable & internet will be hooked up tonight. It feels so good to have a house. I have a house, MY house! Hopefully we can get a lot unpacked between now and the weekend.

Sad News

First, a little background. My husband's biological mom, Trudy, married his dad when he was 1 or younger. He doesn't know who his biological dad is. When he was 9, his mom died from leukemia and he was raised by his dad and step-mom. Since Scott didn't see his biological family very often, he didn't really get along with them except for one aunt, Cindy. She's been through a lot in her life and we've visited her a few times since all of his family is in Indiana.

We got a call early this morning from Cindy's number and Scott ignored it. They called again and Scott ignored it again. The last time we got a call from her that early, she had called him drunk, so that's why he ignored it. We woke up to our alarms this morning and got dressed for work like usual. We get to work and soon after, I get a call from Scott. He called Cindy back and her husband Jerry answered. We already were aware that Cindy had been in the hospital for about a week with problems in her liver and stomach. Jerry tells us that Cindy passed away last night. She was on the operating table and they were going to remove her stomach. Her stomach was full of gangrene. When Scott told me, I was in shock. I asked him if he was ok since he was closest with her. No response. I asked a few more times with just silence, so I knew he was upset. He started crying, so it got me crying.

Her death has me thinking of how precious every day, every opportunity, every moment is. That's usually what happens when someone dies, but this hit harder. I feel like we could've talked to her more often, visited more. I feel awful for every phone call we ignored. It also makes me feel bad for every horrible thing I've said or done to my husband. I need to cherish every moment I have on this Earth because we're not guaranteed tomorrow. I want to live every day like it's my last and not regret anything.

Pet Peeve

A lot of things in life irk me, the biggest is bad drivers. Unfortunately I have to encounter several every day on my way to and from work. There are the speeders that speed past you and you watch them weave in and out of traffic. I understand being in a hurry and needing to go WAY over the speed limit, but you can do it without endangering other drivers. And there are the drivers that are in such a hurry *note sarcasm* that they have to cut you off when there is plenty of room behind you. I'm not saying I'm a great driver, but I'm very aware of my surroundings when driving and what other cars are doing so I can avoid any accidents. I also try not to piss other drivers off cause, depending on the driver, that could end badly. lol. In the past week I've had 2 incidents where I had another driver who was in the wrong actually yell at me like I was the one not following the rules. Seriously?!

Incident #1: I was driving to work one morning going my usual speed. I left a good amount of distance between me and the car in front of me so that the driver doesn't think I'm tailing them and enough space that another car wouldn't be able to squeeze in. I notice that the car in the lane next to me on the right is on the tail of the car in front of him, meaning he's probably gonna cut me off. Which he does. Since he cut over, I'm obviously gonna be on his tail since there wasn't much room for him to get over to begin with. So this guy decides to brake-test me and then flip me off. Uh, excuse me?!! You're the one that cut ME off and almost caused an accident.

Incident #2: I was out running errands this past Saturday and I came to a 4-way stop. As I start to slow down, I notice a truck at the stop sign adjacent to me, so he obviously goes before me. As he pulls away, an SUV pulls behind him. It's my turn to go and as I cross the intersection I see that the SUV doesn't even bother to stop and almost hits me. The lady driving then proceeds to yell out her window at me. Excuse me?!!! YOU ran a stop sign, you idiot! Don't blame me cause you're a bad driver. Thankfully my window was up so I didn't have to hear whatever profanity she probably yelled at me. lol.

Dumb people in general annoy me, but dumb drivers are even worse. Like I said, I'm not claiming I'm perfect or that everyone should drive like me, but I'm observant of other cars and what the drivers may decide to do so I don't get in an accident. What are your pet peeves?

**Disclaimer: This is an opinion. Not meant to offend. I apologize if I did offend. It's a topic I wanted to blog about after the week I had and vent.**

Bad luck

After I wrote my last blog, I got home to some bad news. Scott tells me that he got a call from the guy helping us get the loan saying that VA is being picky about the paperwork and we won't be able to close until next week possibly. The lease on our apartment ends this weekend and we can't close until the 24th or later?!?! I just stood there and cried. This is the one thing I was afraid of, that something would happen and we wouldn't be able to close before our lease ran out. So I'm upset and worrying about where are we gonna go and where will our stuff go. It also makes me mad that it took almost a week for VA to let us know we needed to sign more papers. Our realtor explained to the sellers our new situation hoping they'd allow us to move our stuff in but we wouldn't move in until we closed. After a few days, the sellers told us no, that they weren't comfortable with that. We understand, but it sucks on our end. Scott talked to our landlord and they allowed us to extend our lease 2 more weeks and we'd have to pay the rest of the rent since what we paid June 1 was an adjusted figure. I weighed our different options and finally decided to stay in our apartment. I would've loved to move out this weekend and save the $250 but it would've been very complicating to move our furniture somewhere this weekend just to move it again the following week. We haven't even started packing, so that would have to be done this week in order to move this weekend, but Scott is busy all week downloading manuals for his unit this weekend and then he has drill this weekend. So I would've been the one in charge of packing the entire apartment and I know for a fact that wouldn't happen. lol. We also would have inconvenienced my parents by staying with them with our 2 pets. Not to mention, what would we tell the cable company? lol "Can you pause our account? We're in the middle of moving and don't have somewhere permanent?" lol. It's much simpler to stay where we are. So more waiting for us. I'm SO ready for this to all be over and to start unpacking in our new home.

Hurry Up & Wait

It seems like all I ever do anymore is wait. Every day at work I'm waiting for it to be 5 o'clock so I can go home. I'm always waiting for the weekend to get here so I can relax from a long, sometimes busy week at work. The hubby has been trying to get a different job for several months now, and we keep getting the runaround. One particular job he applied for back in Feb/March and the application process takes 3 months before it's viewed. So 3 months later, Scott's application is being looked at and he called to get an update and they say we'll be notified after the board meeting mid-July. So more waiting. With the house, we started the process 2 months ago. We quickly found the house we wanted, got the contract, house was inspected, the seller's fixed the problems, all within a month. For a month we've been waiting on VA. They finally did the appraisal last week, so now we have to wait for the title company and VA to look everything over so we can finally close on it next week, hopefully. This waiting is driving me crazy! lol. I wish they would just give us a date. That would make me feel better. I catch myself daydreaming constantly about living in that house. I can picture it put together with everything in its place. I've tried to visualize what kind of decorating/themes I want to do, but that gets complicating and too detailed without actually being in the house. I've even visualized what Christmas will be like this year! I'm so excited and so ready for this next step in our life, but it's hard to wait for it. It's so close yet so far! At least we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Next week and weekend is gonna be busy and chaotic but it will be worth it once we're all moved in. :)

Sunless Tan

Thanks to my genes, I am a naturally white person. No olive skin-tone here. My brothers and I try to tan, but we burn and then the "tan" peels off and we're left white again. lol. I can slowly get some color over the summer to where I look "tan" to me, but I still get comments from people about how white I am. I'm fine with being white because I will never step foot into a tanning bed. I don't want to look fake tan nor do I want the leathery skin when I'm older. One comment last July really got under my skin. I try not to let things bother me, but an in-law made a comment that she's never seen a brunette with such pale skin. What bugged me about it was the fact that I was "tan" compared to how white I was a couple months ago. And just because I'm a brunette doesn't mean I'm supposed to have dark skin like I'm from Hawaii or something. I'm Irish and German! Nothing tan about that. Anyway, back on topic. Easter Sunday I wore a cute dress, but it was mainly white and, from the pictures, I looked so pasty white. So while at Walmart a few days later I decided to try the Jergen's Natural Glow lotion. I figured I'd try it and see what happens. I was amazed at how quickly I saw results. I used it Sunday night and the next day at work people were asking me what was different. This is a before and after shot. The before was taken Sunday, May 1 before I started and the after was taken this past Friday, May 13. When I started I put the lotion on every day for 4 days, but then I got lazy and missed a few. Last Sunday on Mother's Day I felt like I had lost some of the "tan" so I was better about putting it on every day that week.